I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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