Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
