My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
