A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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