if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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