Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
barbara walters just said penis...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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