I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize