oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
