capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
