Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I fill condoms, not promises.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
