But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
