the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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