My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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