I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
