Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
