the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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