if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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