Umm I'm too high to move.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
