I didn't shave. On purpose
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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