hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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