you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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