If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
