Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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