great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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