You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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