My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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