Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it's great music for shaving your balls
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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