So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize