Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
