Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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