we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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