You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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