So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
