She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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