Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
