I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
