i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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