At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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