Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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