Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
