I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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