Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
