I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I supernannyed him into submission
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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