Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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