So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
