Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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