Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
from now on my penis is your penis
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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