He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
