Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you traded sex for a burrito?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
