Kiss
Puke
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
