Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
