last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize