I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
