ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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