my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize