it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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