i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
