I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
