I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I need water and some morals
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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