I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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