no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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