WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
