i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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