im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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