farters have to be the big spoon...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
