so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
