You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
