Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
