Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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