i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
