that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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