I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
