Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize