Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
