i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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