whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
