i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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