playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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