Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
