i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
