She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
