It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
